Love me not



Last night, I had a dream about my true love, Terry. In this dream, we were in another life, and I was at a beautiful gathering. The sun was shining, the grass was lush, and there were a few lovely trees around. Everyone was having a great time, playing games and laughing together. I can't quite remember who I was with, but it felt so good to be surrounded by friends. Then, out of the blue, I saw Terry, and he saw me too. I've loved him deeply; he's one of my true loves. 


When he wanted to spend time with me, I noticed the way he spoke—it felt controlling. That made me a bit uneasy. We hung out for a short while, and it was nice to feel that love again. But the way he was trying to dictate things made me realize that things had changed between us. So, I told him right away that I couldn't see him anymore. Even though I still loved him, I knew I didn't want to be together.


A few days later, I ran into him again. He tried to persuade me to hang out, and for a moment, I thought about it. But then he started telling me what we were going to do and where to meet. I had to be firm and tell him that we weren’t going to be in a relationship anymore. It was tough because I do love him, but this wasn’t the same man I had loved before; he felt different.


For those who don’t know, Terry was my husband. He passed away when he was just 21, and they say it was suicide, but I believe he was likely murdered because of some drug issues involving his girlfriend. I remember he came to me one time, desperate for money. I gave him my favorite leather jacket, something I really treasured back then. We had two kids together, and our time as a family was truly the best part of my life.


Sadly, I let family pressure get in the way, and I left him, saying it was because of his drinking. He struggled with alcohol, wanting to fit in with his friends and family, and I didn’t understand at the time that he had mental health issues. He was such a wonderful person, always kind and generous, and he did everything he could for us. 


I forgot why we split up, but now it’s clearer. I still think of him as my husband; even though we divorced, it wasn’t until he passed that I had to accept being single. Terry will always be one of my true loves, in this life and the next. I’ve had many lives, and in some, I’m not always a woman, a mother, or even a good person. But the love I had for Terry remains strong in my heart.

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